but the carpet needs vacuuming, the floors need sweeping and mopping, and the dishes in the sink have been sitting there since Sunday night. Does it count for anything that I threw in a load of laundry this morning?
My girls are in their beds. It’s naptime at our house! My Christmas tree is lit, casting a golden glow on the room. It only has 14 ornaments on it, but who’s counting besides me? My life, as hectic as the days sometimes feel, has slowed down quite a bit. I am purposely focusing, not on how much I can get accomplished in a day, but instead on how to be a good mom to my girls. And do you know what my girls need? They need me to be in the moment with them, talking to them, watching them, playing with them. This is tough for me, a goal-oriented, production driven person. I’ve always felt better about myself if I’ve accomplished a lot in my day. I want a list, a purpose, a goal, and I want to get it done. Then I can relax, put my feet up, and feel satisfied.
I’m learning, though, that I can’t get a lot of things done while being their mom. My girls need my attention almost constantly. I’m starting to let go, let the house be a little messier than I’d like, let the Christmas tree sit with only half it’s ornaments on it. This morning I decided I wanted to clean both my bathrooms and sweep and mop the house. You know what I got done? One bathroom. And it’s the first time I’ve really scrubbed it down since we moved in in JUNE. Yes, I’m admitting that.
I stopped twice while cleaning the bathroom to talk to Sassy about having gentle hands. The first talk was proceeded by Littlebug accidentally bumping heads with Sassy, so Sassy felt justified in pushing Littlebug down. The second talk was after Sassy pulled a blanket out from under Littlebug while she was standing on it. Littlebug fell down and cried and poor Sassy was in trouble again. After lunch we went outside where Littlebug insisted on running her Little Tykes car into Sassy, over and over. Maybe it was payback time! Whatever it was, we stopped what we were doing to talk to Littlebug and have her try to obey momma, have gentle hands, and be sweet to her sister.
These are my days! Nothing tangable, just the quiet shaping of two little beings. Teaching them that Momma is in charge, how to have gentle hands, taking time to hold and nurture them, praying to our God that he would heal their wounded hearts. The two little girls God gave me have a sad history that has shaped them into who they are today. So my days are filled with, not getting things done, but holding and loving Sassy and Littlebug, while I pray to my God for patience and love for them. No, you can’t look at my life and check off all the productive things I’m accomplishing, but hopefully, as God looks at me, he sees the investment of time and love I’m giving these little girls. I don’t make money anymore and my house isn’t clean, but my hope is that all the work I’m doing that shows almost nothing at the end of the day, is helping to produce growth, change and healing in my daughters.
I only cleaned one bathroom today, but Sassy and Littlebug had my time and attention when they needed it. This momma didn’t accomplish much in the way of a list, but hopefully accomplished something in the lives of my little girls.